so i’ve been thinking so much about this time last year, i had a tiny week old baby and my job was to be as close to her as possible, feed her and help her to feel secure and happy on the outside. i would talk to her jokingly, when she was still in the womb, and tell her to stay in as long as she wants because navigating through life on the outside can be a challenge. i couldn’t be happier with how she’s grown, how social she is and how comfortable and confident she is in her own skin and in a variety of environments. the sweetest thing as of late are the kisses. she doles them out ever so generously. she blows kisses using her pointer finger, she’s smooth. she’s starting to pick up on nonverbal communication. at first it was pointing, but now she shakes her head “no” both in and out of context and she’s been practicing shrugging her shoulders and dramatically throwing the palm of her hand to her face. i’ve learned so much about her and i’m honored and grateful to raise her. i’ve been thinking a lot about my mother, now that i know how much work goes into raising a young child and i’m grateful to her for all she’s done for me and all she continues to do. she’s cared for this wee one every single day since i returned to work and what an amazing support she’s been. there are some family practices i let go of and some i hold on to. ear piercing as a baby is one we decided to hold on to. grandma caring for grandchild is another. i have wonderful memories of the time i spent with my grandmother and i’m excited to hear stories about what she remembers from my mom.
so just like that i’ve inherited a new holiday. i didn’t think much of it really, but boy did josh take it seriously the entire mother’s day weekend. i’d be sitting on the couch and he would offer me a drink, he was so so sweet to me. he’s usually pretty sweet, but he was a bit extra. initially, my impulse was to tell him to just treat the weekend like any other, but then i thought hey, this is a good deal. i can sit on the sofa watching call the midwife and have him bring me a drink or some snacks. i’ll take it. the major shift was that i always visit my mom or would take part in whatever activity she wanted, but this year i could decide for my little family. i chose to go up to storm king art center. it was a beautiful day and i can’t believe it’s been five years since i last visited. the weather was perfect and we bumped into a few friends which was also a treat. so about this dress. last spring i saw the print on a bathing suit and loved it. i figured i could get much more use out of a dress so i searched for it on ebay and got it for a very good deal. i think it was one of the first dresses i bought postpartum and i believe i justified this purchase by calling it a “push present” to myself, ha.
if i knew that being a mama would be so incredible, i may have started having children earlier. i don’t think that i could have predicted or even anticipated these feelings. it’s humbling and i’m so grateful that she’s a part of our lives.
P.S Storm King 2009
this film is about two illegal immigrants trying to survive in london and the desperate means they are forced to take to earn a living and to avoid detection and deportation. if your interested in a film that’s gritty and honest this one is worth checking out.
images via, film summary via
every year pregnancy and newborn magazine features five fascinating mamas. i’m in the may issue, yay! check it out.
as you can see from the infrequency of my posts, i certainly have my hands full. last thursday, as i begrudgingly headed to work on my birthday, i came across these blooming trees. i decided i was ready to be back here in this space, as a gift to myself. a tad wrinkled and a bit linty, but hey… such is life. my skin is quite dry after such a long, harsh, cold winter and i may just get a facial. the last time i got one was for my wedding. with how busy it’s been the past ten months so many things went by the wayside and taking care of my skin was one of them. believe it or not my hair is three times this length. i got it trimmed for my birthday and while i never blow it out, they had to in order to trim it. i was really happy with how much it’s grown since i’ve been wearing twists and crochet braids as protective styles. once they added leave in conditioner and curling cream it shrunk right up. i love volume, but i do want to feel comfortable wearing it in twists as well.
my birthday was pretty low key this year. i spent time with josh and my little one. we took an afternoon walk around our neighborhood. elisane loves dogs, whenever she sees one she tries to talk to it and she gets incredibly excited. we had an early dinner at seersucker which was absolutely delicious. if you’re ever in caroll gardens, i highly recommend it. the food is high quality and locally sourced. josh remembered my request for tres leches cake, which i told him about weeks ago. we put the baby to bed and enjoyed cake and wine and an episode of mad men. friday night was reserved for a night out with my gals.
outfit details: hat h&m (old), blouse vintage, pants h&m (old), shoes lucky brand
bib gifted, all baby clothes second hand/hand me downs, headband gifted
after work, i come home to the warmest greeting imaginable. josh was sweet enough to capture it. could you believe she’s 8 months old already? she has two bottom teeth, she crawls from room to room and loves to dance. She’s so engaged and curious, my favorite age yet.
so i dug deep down into the archives and found these never before posted outfit photos. i was on the fence about this dress because of the midi length, so i threw on some heels, and i’m not a big heels person, especially if it’s just for a casual afternoon out… hence my veiny feet. i’m going to rock this floral impressionist dress this spring with some flats and a tote or backpack. spring is within arm’s reach people, the days are already noticeably longer. i’ve been coming up with spring outfits in my head while riding the subway to work, sure can’t wait to shed some layers. have you been thinking about spring outfits that you can’t wait to wear?
outfit details: dress vintage, purse vintage, shoes marais
yes, it’s cheesy, but she sure is. hope you all had a wonderful holiday. we split our time between my parents place here in nyc with my sisters and all the littles…then we flew down to atl on christmas day to spend time with my in-laws. we our peacefully winding down the holiday season and prepping for a brand new year. a year end ritual of mine is to deep clean and declutter so off i go. much love.
ps this vintage polka dot dress made an appearance on the blog over three years ago.
i promised myself i would not look like a hot mess regardless of how stressful life gets with being a mama, wife, working full time and so on. i promised to never ever wear sweat pants or yoga pants (unless i’m going to yoga) in public. what i find works really well is that when an outfit works, it unofficially becomes my uniform. for the last couple months this one has been mine. i’ve worn this here getup for a kid birthday party, thanksgiving day in atl, to the movies with josh, to grab a drink with a friend. basically anyone who’s seen me in the last few months has seen me wearing this. the denim top is sleeveless so i don’t get too hot in it and the buttons snap so my little one has easy access for nursing. i have hips now and am curvier which i quite like. if i could only keep these boobs. that would be sweet. since i’ve always been flat chested, i convinced myself that being flat chested is awesome and there’s so many perks like wearing crazy low cut tops (the ones that plunge really far down, that i’m too prudish to ever wear but like the idea that i guess i could) or going braless. anyway now that i have a taste of what it’s like to be an A+ or B if i’m behind with pumping, i have to admit i’m gonna miss them when i’m done nursing. in the beginning when i had an oversupply i think i may have even been a C ha! back when i was pregnant, i had no idea what my postpartum body would be like and i didn’t worry too much. i was told my body would never be the same by most and i was told i’d bounce right back by others. i have a couple of pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but i pretty much fit back into all of my clothing. it’s certainly tighter, but it fits. the best advice someone gave me is to eat healthy and not to worry too much about fitness with a very young baby. i gained twenty four pounds during my pregnancy and dropped eighteen right away. a few weeks later i dropped a couple more and have a few pounds left to lose, but i am steadily building up my strength and endurance. i’ve been cycling to work when i can and this involves biking to multiple locations around brooklyn. so on any given day i cycle between five and seven miles about once or twice a week. a friend of mine shared a very powerful video with me about women’s postpartum bodies. it’s called birthmarkings and certainly worth checking out. it’s a collection of interviews of women sharing how their body transformed after having a baby and the camera is on their bellies not their faces. what struck me is that one woman said, hollywood seeks to sell the idea that it’s important to erase the evidence of childbirth and in many instances this is not possible nor is it necessary. she talks about how it’s important to appreciate a body that has transformed in order to bring forth life.
in real life, people tell me i don’t look like i’ve had a baby. the “evidence” is not so apparent, but in the nude it is and it’s okay. i didn’t get stretch marks, this time around but i have a little pooch which may or may not go away it’s really important for me to be healthy and strong and i know this will come with time and effort. having a baby has certainly been transformative and i am still negotiating the life i had with the one i have now and juggling quite a bit. i think i’m really close to finding my groove though and it’s really exciting. yea a bit of a rant…likely due to very little sleep okay off to get some rest.
coat vitnage, scarf vintage, denim top f21, sweater vintage, jeans bdg, boots madewell